Angry

it's been a minute, i promised myself to write here as often as possible, having to find out by myself that it's not as easy as i thought or assumed is more than a bit scary i had assumed since i love to write It'd be so easy to pen down my thoughts here, now and again but like i said it's not easy, I can't really pinpoint a particular reason that makes it hard. Weird yeah? Anyways enough about that I'm writing now. So far, since the last time i wrote here, I've been disappointed(heavily) angry, sad, happy(a bit) a lot has been going on .

My name wasn't on the senate list for Nysc mobilization, i was so angry and disappointed, i don't think anyone truly understood the extent. I graduated in 2019 i had no issues, no spill overs, no school drama, and it is now March 2021 and i haven't gone for service, that's 2 years of my life down the drain, i was already old when i got into school (late admission,  story for another day). And now seems I've lost 2 years of my old age doing nothing but giving up hope on Nigeria. Asuu went on strike for almost a full year and when they finally called off the strike i proceeded to complete my clearance and go for service,  only for Nasu to start their own strike, they called off the strike a day before senate was to release their list and that's how the list came out and my name wasn't there. Well this is Nigeria anything goes, I'm waiting for the next batch which is in June(might as well be December cause i see no difference). 

What's my pain in all these is i just keep advancing in age, age doesn't say ' oh let me pause, her life is on hold so let me wait until she's doing something and then i start moving again' it doesn't,  I'm just in the same spot and unmoving but my age is moving,  the only thing that seems to be moving in my life, it makes me so angry and mad but somewhere deep inside of me I'm scared so scared that I'll get old and i won't have done anything memorable with my life, I'll just be some old and broke lady. 

Well, i was happy this week with the news that our Nigerians Wizkid and Burna boy won awards in the just concluded grammy awards ceremony. It was a great win for Nigeria, so many people came out on social media to celebrate these bad asses, the real Goats. Nigeria disappoints everyone so much that even the most little wins( not that these are little wins but..) are celebrated so hard..lol

I think it might be a coping mechanism. For a country that's going down the drain music awards should be the least of our problems. 

I'm a graduate, in a different country I'd have a certificate and be working but this is Nigeria and i have to wait to become a slave for a year(don't even know if I'll survive it) before i can get permission to be called a graduate and work as one.